Dear Amia,
I’m sorry for everything that happened to you. I’m sorry for the chaos, the unnecessary pain, the lack of security. This is not what a child should have. I’m sorry, my love. As my child I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and all my soul, and that you are the strongest person I’ve ever known; with the heart of a lion and the courage of a tiger. You may have seemed weak to others, but the endurance of compassion isn’t easy for others to understand.
You didn’t deserve what happened to you; I’m sorry and I love you. I love you so much. Don’t believe otherwise. Take my hand, my love. Come forward, into the present. Let go of all that weight. Your engine doesn’t need to be fuelled by the pains of the past anymore. The love and victory you seek comes once you hold my hand. Your chaos can be change, creativity. You don’t have to hold the pain – it doesn’t nurture you. But I will. The road won’t be easy, but at least we’ll have each other. At least we’ll each have someone that loves us. Walk with me.
Satisfaction won’t come from the ecstasy of worship or quenching your anxieties. Anxiety never sleeps. That’s how it works. Join me; let go of the weights. Drop the baby. You’re using it for you instead of taking care of yourself and healing the past. You can only be nurtured in the present. If you want to heal them then pick up a paintbrush. Put the pain on paper so it doesn’t need to reside in you anymore. What happened, happened. But remember your name. Drop the bag and shed the weight that stops you from becoming who you truly are. Walk through the boundaries between the past and the present, and watch it filter out all that is unnecessary, moreover carrying you down.
You have a new identity here. You can wear white and you can be as light as a feather. You can run and you can be the person you’ve always wanted to be. The confusion has been clarified and once you’re here, you’ll find clarity; love and reality (one that is in bliss). I will love you, Amia. Everyday. I will love you, because I love me; and you’re the one who let me be. Thank you. Come through. This isn’t a dream. You want a sportscar? Say yes. You want to own a nice house? Say yes. You want to become who you always wanted to be? Say yes. Whatever you need. I’ll support you, as long as it is based in what is right and healthy. Be present and be with me. Open spaces with clean air beautiful walls await you. Move forward into the future. You have a future to look forward to, but I need you to be [resent to create that reality. I will be there. Just tell me what you need and we’ll negotiate.
There’s a new journey and now we have to fulfil our dreams and I’d like you to come with me. I think you’ll like it. We can do some things your way and some things, mine. We’ll figure it out. I’m moving forwards into a new life; I think you should too. Become ethereal. Become crisp and mystical. Become pearlescent. Become chrome. Join me. Take a step into your future. Shed the skin. Breathe in and become present. You’ll find things to hold onto and carry anyways; But for now, the only thing I need you to hold is air in your lungs for five second intervals.
I love you. I forgive you. I hope you forgive yourself. Goodbye. Hello.
Written on Tuesday 16th November 2021
A Kuaked Reflection 