From Levi to Amia

Dear Amia,

I’m sorry for everything that happened to you. I’m sorry for the chaos, the unnecessary pain, the lack of security. This is not what a child should have. I’m sorry, my love. As my child I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and all my soul, and that you are the strongest person I’ve ever known; with the heart of a lion and the courage of a tiger. You may have seemed weak to others, but the endurance of compassion isn’t easy for others to understand.

You didn’t deserve what happened to you; I’m sorry and I love you. I love you so much. Don’t believe otherwise. Take my hand, my love. Come forward, into the present. Let go of all that weight. Your engine doesn’t need to be fuelled by the pains of the past anymore. The love and victory you seek comes once you hold my hand. Your chaos can be change, creativity. You don’t have to hold the pain – it doesn’t nurture you. But I will. The road won’t be easy, but at least we’ll have each other. At least we’ll each have someone that loves us. Walk with me.

Satisfaction won’t come from the ecstasy of worship or quenching your anxieties. Anxiety never sleeps. That’s how it works. Join me; let go of the weights. Drop the baby. You’re using it for you instead of taking care of yourself and healing the past. You can only be nurtured in the present. If you want to heal them then pick up a paintbrush. Put the pain on paper so it doesn’t need to reside in you anymore. What happened, happened. But remember your name. Drop the bag and shed the weight that stops you from becoming who you truly are. Walk through the boundaries between the past and the present, and watch it filter out all that is unnecessary, moreover carrying you down.

You have a new identity here. You can wear white and you can be as light as a feather. You can run and you can be the person you’ve always wanted to be. The confusion has been clarified and once you’re here, you’ll find clarity; love and reality (one that is in bliss). I will love you, Amia. Everyday. I will love you, because I love me; and you’re the one who let me be. Thank you. Come through. This isn’t a dream. You want a sportscar? Say yes. You want to own a nice house? Say yes. You want to become who you always wanted to be? Say yes. Whatever you need. I’ll support you, as long as it is based in what is right and healthy. Be present and be with me. Open spaces with clean air beautiful walls await you. Move forward into the future. You have a future to look forward to, but I need you to be [resent to create that reality. I will be there. Just tell me what you need and we’ll negotiate.

There’s a new journey and now we have to fulfil our dreams and I’d like you to come with me. I think you’ll like it. We can do some things your way and some things, mine. We’ll figure it out. I’m moving forwards into a new life; I think you should too. Become ethereal. Become crisp and mystical. Become pearlescent. Become chrome. Join me. Take a step into your future. Shed the skin. Breathe in and become present. You’ll find things to hold onto and carry anyways; But for now, the only thing I need you to hold is air in your lungs for five second intervals.

I love you. I forgive you. I hope you forgive yourself. Goodbye. Hello.

Written on Tuesday 16th November 2021


My Response to “From Amia to Levi”

Paragraph 1 – The need to be loved, wanted, and valued is a valid need, for every human being. Don’t beat yourself over it. It come as no surprise considering that you didn’t get love in areas you should’ve. Really it’s a want to exchange – a want to give love in exchange for love back. That’s a respectable desire. Instead of exchanging money, you choose to exchange feelings of love. You SHOULD aim for meaningful connections, better than lacklustre ones. The only thing I’d say is find a connection with me – hold my hand, and find a meaningful connection with the eternal self; find it in your creativity.

“I can’t continue to carry the baggage of my parents’ negative thought patterns, or the hatred towards those who belittled me in the past.” Then let go of them. Let go and find new thought patterns and ways of seeing.

Paragraph 2 – You’re not dying, you’re shedding and becoming true. I’m not lost, I’ve been waiting for you. We’re here to look after you. Let go of the hurt. Exchange the hurt for this love and peace. Contentment is at your doorstep and calling your name. I’ll give you what you need.

“I’ve been questing for world domination just to hurt those that inflicted pain onto me so long ago and those I believe didn’t support me when I needed them — or at least someone” A worthy cause but we both know that it’s not a win, in that regard. We don’t need that. That dream gets in the way of finding out what our heart truly desires. I’m sorry for those interactions. It seems like a lot of people lack any form of proper respect or consistent interest in respecting you as a valid human being, if it’s not for their own gain. That’s unfortunate, but honestly, fuck them. Let it go. Your anger is valid, but it’s unnecessary; and it’s another weight holding you from peace in the present to actualise your dreams. Let it go. You already won. You’ve already won by being a better version of yourself. You don’t need the past to fuel you anymore. The potential of the future and your present habits will do that for you. Stop carrying rocks to the shore to feel like an underdog. Let the shore do that. Let life be easy for you. We have more important things to focus on. Drop the pain and be empty – make room for the incoming kingdom. I need you to be as free as a child, anyways.

Paragraph 3 – “I should be THIS”, “I should be THAT”, “They should’ve done THIS”, “I NEED this”, “I NEED that” The only thing you need is to stop doing that and let the situation form itself. The best way for you to be prepared to just be open to the possibility of anything happening. “Truly, I want something more.” We both do. So join me. I’ll assert our needs to others as I’ll assert my needs to you — expecting vice versa. Respect me and I’ll respect you. I’ll show you how. “how do I fit into it?” Daring, creativity, and play. “How can I help?” Let go of the past, join me in the present and look forward to the future. Let the future lead you. “How can we terraform the landscape to unlock the vessel’s full potential and all of our own?” Building a portfolio of credibility and getting out of our own way so as to start manifesting our aspirations into the industrial world.

Paragraph 4 – Let it go. Find peace in yourself. Together we’ll have harmony. Be my companion. Marry me. “True Love doesn’t carry, it sustains. Balancing between true love for self. Connected. Friendly. Happy.” Too true.

Paragraph 5 – “Whereas Levi and Felix are hard workers, I find that I’m more of an artistic temperament” We will support your ambitions and you will support ours. “Whereas currently superficial, if humble enough to undergo training and reformation, I could develop only to fulfil my potential and my role towards how I play this game of life” That’ll be the next step – building portfolio, skill level and experience. “I bring freedom, flexibility, and modernism to a team that is strong, stable, masculine, competent but rigid and one-dimensional” Yes, you do. “Whilst I’m being burnt and burnt again, Levi and Felix are having their whole worlds and systems broken and warped” It’s all a part of the process. We knew this day would come. “But I like to think we both understand the nature and necessity of this process, as this is the process that incurred our previous metamorphosis/journey/death/rebirth in the first place” Yes, we do. “It seems harder to end now than it was to begin, because at least we hadn’t built what we left behind. Now we have to move on from what we thought was the final result — but only the stepping stone for the next journey” We now know the life we must life for our enjoyment – a life of building projects and moving onto the next one.

Paragraph 6 – “What is the wound that isn’t healing?” Not getting love and respect from the people around you. “How do I need to be supported?” You need to be encouraged. “What do I want?” Love, community and friendship? To create beauty? “How can we all work together, in harmony?” You’re the oil between my joints. Growth, adventure, daring, openness, compassion, courage, joire de vivre – Peace, stability, discipline, service, authenticity, self-expression, self-reliance. A marriage between the two and aligning of the soul, self and personality. “I need to value myself.” I love you. I value you.


I thirst for more

----------------Body Parts
The Fall continues

Darkness's will haunts in translucence
Letting you see what you're losing
As you fall deeper into the pit

--------------------------------No chance
The Cycle remains fixed

Ghosts sing songs of self-hatred
Their siren chants spread their hollow form
The sparkle of their tears dazzles their victim

The Personal Power sleeps

One stays isolated, trapped, in a world with bars made of perception
Heavy, is the crown of thoughts and feelings
My actions do not show my screams, but my habits do show my night terrors

----------------------------Swelling of the heart
The Insecurity self-sustains

The dreams awaken the eyes
Moments of introversion revelate
Prison becomes sanctuary
The Waters That Be induce chemical reactions

Light to water, water to body


So — here again,
Strange — as always,
Café — in french? typical,
Funny — how we always meet at the stroke of each minute,
Almost — like the last time was a past life,
It Begins — A new encounter each time,
Hugging — at the frontier of a new life, each existence,
Sweet — is the moment, the fruit we eat, the coffee we drink,
The things we say — the moments we share

The tranquility within the chaos

"The rubble lies at the castle's wake!"
and the bishop grows a garden in the blood
Missionary tales paint caustic consequences -
crunching men like chocolate
From one end — to another,
the peace we hold holds us from the peace we seek
There is no fight, no victory, but an end to the massacre
Unshaken peace becomes comfort
Unawakened comfort becomes sleep
Sleep becomes death
If vigour will cause me to live then
let my blood bubble like wine
The work is in the ease and in the fear
To go beyond what is known to my shadow
Moving into somewhere with no forward
The chaos that swallows, and jails with its teeth
No mercy can be given without retribution
Those who stay in the shroud, cry and laugh
They are now jackals, guard dogs
to the world of the broken
Once the illusion is dissolved
The Pearl of Peace shall fall at your feet
Glowing, in the castle's wake.

The potential has been actualised

The stars continue to fluster
may I come into your view?
The soul looks dark tonight
But the mind looks bright today
A child is born but never birthed
The produce, the milk of the universal radiation
The microwaves wash me of doubt
they wash me of happiness
The power to fall has been realised
White has now found black
My eyes see now instead of my thoughts
The artist's imagination blocks his intuition
To create he must become free
To succeed he must learn how to be


😶❤️🌍 But 🌍🔪😶 so now 😶❤️ is 🥶. 😶 still 😢 about it some⌚️. But 😶 feel 🙂 being 🤭. 💗😶🤕.



W H A T A M I D O I N G?
W H E R E A M I G O I N G ?

M Y L I F E F E E L S L I K E I T S D R A G G I N G M E A L O N G.

W H A T A M I D O I N G W I T H M Y L I F E ?

I C O U L D B E N O R M A L.
I C O U L D E N J O Y L I F E.


I S O L A T E D,

W O R K I N G.

J U S T T O B E S O M E B O D Y I N T H I S W O R L D.

The tides wash the white-coloured sand while rubies lay on the concrete

I'll love you forever.
but if I do betray you,
I'm sorry.

My email is my diary